What is your Terror?

Who is the terrorist in your life? What strikes fear into your heart so that you are unable to function? Today I read in Romans 5 that, although we were destined to be separated from God by the actions of one man--Adam--we have the opportunity to live an extravagantly full life because of the action of another man--Jesus. That means that we can be free of ANY terror that may attempt to keep us cowering in fear of it!

I was listening to the radio today and heard part of a message given by Mark Rutland, President of ORU, my alma mater. Mark is a great speaker, down-to-earth and easy to understand. He was speaking about terrorists--physical and emotional. He gave a couple of examples from his own life where he encountered terrorists--men who wanted to kill him. As he was held at gunpoint, Mark talked in his heart with God. He was told that, as he had given his life to Jesus, he also needed to give his death to Jesus. Not with the arrogance of "name it and claim it" proponents but with the true humility and awe of his original belief in God. 

I believe, as apparently Mark does also, that there is an appointed time for each of us to die. God has it all arranged and, if we have given Him that authority, we can be at peace during our life. We can look ANY terrorist in the eye and say, "God is greater than anything you can bring against me!"  

It got me to examine my own life to determine whether or not I had a terror that had me gripped in fear. What came to my mind first was an incident with my youngest daughter, Kaitlyn, when she was 10 years old and in the 3rd grade. When the school year started, we lived about 4 blocks from the elementary school where Kaiti attended and she walked to and from school with a friend (I'll call her Sally) who lived a couple of blocks beyond us. Kaiti and Sally had been friends all summer and went back and forth between houses as kids usually do. They enjoyed the same things and got along very well. 

After school started, a new girl came and decided she liked Sally and didn't want her to be friends with Kaiti. I'll say up front that Kaiti is very sensitive and can be hurt very easily.  It took her a while to admit to us that Sally was "bullying" her--calling her names, throwing rocks at her and spitting on her. Bewildered by the change in Sally and not understanding what she did to bring it on, Kaiti began to let this "terrorist" affect her life. She didn't want to walk to school or go to recess because of the terror tactics Sally and the new girl were using to hurt her physically and emotionally. We encouraged Kaiti to talk to her teacher which she did. Shy little Kaiti even went to her Principal, a Christian man who empathized greatly with her. However, there was nothing they could unless they actually saw something being done. Kaiti's teacher began letting her stay in at recess to help in the classroom which alleviated the situation some.


Then, about 2 months before the end of the school year, we moved across town. It didn't make sense to move Kaiti to another school with such a short time left, so I drove her to school each day. During that time, we talked about the situation with Sally and how Kaiti could endure or change it. The Lord showed me that we were to start praying for Sally. Kaiti and I discussed this and I could tell she was skeptical that just prayer would make a difference. I knew that it would make a difference in Kaiti but let her decide whether this was something she wanted to do for Sally. She agreed to the prayer time and so we prayed for Sally for 2 months--and indeed it worked! By the last day of school, Kaiti and Sally were friends again and Sally had apologized for treating Kaiti so badly.

This incident taught Kaiti some life principles about standing up for herself and prayer which have helped with her self confidence, job and life in general. I was very proud she confronted her life's terrorist and fear as she put her trust in Jesus to care for her.

So now, it was time to uncover my terror and learn how to confront it. There have been a couple of fears I am glad to report I've overcome in my life. The first really big one was being in a situation where I had to decide between my life or my child's life. This showed up most when I flew in an airplane. I would envision the plane crashing into a body of water and I didn't have a life jacket.  How could I tread water and hold up my child too? God truly ministered to that fear and I could let it go without residue.

The second fear was of going to sleep alone while Dave was traveling. I would imagine someone breaking into the house while I was asleep and hurting or killing me. Finally, after confessing my fear and giving over all my possessions, my life (again) and the event of my death to God, I was able to sleep well without that terror looming over me. 

Now, however, I need to find where a new fear may lie. And I find it quite readily ...the fear of having to struggle to breathe on a daily basis. All the doctors are pleased with my progress but they don't see the terror in my eyes or the thudding of my heart when I sit up suddenly in the middle of the night trying to get that illusive cleansing breath.

I told Dave early in my recovery that I didn't want to die struggling to breathe. On a daily basis it takes so much energy to breathe normally and, of course, fear drains energy from me as well. So, "I am confessing my terror to you, Lord. I give you permission to orchestrate my death to bring glory to your name.If I can't trust you, my God, to whom can I go?"

In the meantime, I will do all I can to strengthen my lungs and the stressed, overworked muscles that keep me from fully inflating my lungs. Today I went swimming--a perk of traveling with Dave and staying in nice hotels. I believe it helped and will work on more exercise of those muscles--and maybe a couple more massages. I encourage you, too, to uncover your terror and lay it at the feet of Him who is able to handle it for you. It isn't easy and can be messy but so worth the effort!

LADYING FOR OCTOBER 24, 2012: "Don't let a terrorist--physical or emotional--decide how you live! Look him in the eye and say, 'God has got this; you can leave now!' "

Favorite Scripture

There has been a new type of email going around where you are to write out your favorite scripture and send it to the next person on the list. I found myself resisting the desire to join the group. 

Actually, I'm not usually one to zero in on a single item--color, style, scripture--as my most favorite. I like variety and having to end up with only one of anything is just not me. Therefore, to just say, "This is my favorite scripture" leaves out so much of an interesting process. So, in case you are interested, I will now tell the "story" of my favorite scripture.

How people choose their "favorite" of anything is often guided by what appeals to the senses, i.e. to the eye, like a color or architecture, or to the ear, like a song. It's a personal preference. I think some Christians choose their favorite scripture in the same way. Verses that express great truths about our faith are always favorites, i.e. John 3:16 or Romans 6:28. I can understand that. In fact, that is the way I started to choose mine. However, there is a different story here.

My youngest daughter is making graphic design wall drawings to sell in her Etsy store. She wanted to make me a custom drawing for Christmas so she asked for my "favorite" scripture. I couldn't make up mind--which wasn't new for me--and it got down to the wire for her to get it done. I thought of Revelation 3:20, "Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you." It is a very solid scripture of Christianity and I understand the concept at a core level.

In a moment of distraction I just told Kaiti to use Revelation 3:21. I didn't realize that I misspoke until later when I opened her gift and read it. What a surprise I had! The drawing read, "He who overcomes I will grant to him to sit down with Me on my throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne." I thought that it was a good verse and didn't mind having it on my wall. What I didn't realize was how important that scripture would become to me personally and on a day-to-day basis.

Last Christmas I had just gone to my primary doctor the week before and had a lung x-ray. We were waiting on the results when we got back home. Although I was having episodes of not getting complete sanguination (that's what they call it when you take a deep breath and feel it way down). I call it "satisfaction" because it is a satisfying deep breath. I had been having difficulty getting a breath to be satisfying for 2-3 months and it had become severe enough that I finally went to the doctor. It took another 2 weeks to get a diagnosis of asthma--and cancer.

The x-ray of my lung found a dark spot in my upper right lung AND, because the technician went a little lower than was necessary, a dark spot was detected in my left kidney. (Just in case you're interested, I don't believe that technician made a mistake.) There were several other tests and a couple more scans that confirmed that I did have asthma and (probably) cancer. (Of course, until we got the pathology tests back after my surgeries, the cancer was not confirmed.) I am so thankful to my primary doctor for his persistence to determine what was restricting my breathing. I truly think he was a gift from God.

Approximately 1 month later I was having surgery to remove the tumor from the top lobe of my right lung. As a quick explanation, the right lung has 3 lobes and the left has 2 lobes. Therefore, the removal of one effects the person's breathing but does not keep her from recovering to near-pre-surgery condition. 

My lung surgeon is an outstanding former-military doctor who I am so thankful for also. He told me the surgery would be laperscopic unless the lab said it was cancer for sure. When the lab test came back positive, Dr. Harr decided it was necessary to remove the top lobe to be sure all tissue that might have been invaded by the cancer cells was removed. When he separated the top lobe from the second, there appeared to be webbing that connected them. So, the webbing was cut and, unfortunately, so was an artery located inside. Dr. Harr's  comment to Dave afterward was, "I don't know why the good Lord gave her an artery there!" 

In emergency mode Dr. Harr made a 9" L-shaped  incision in my back from the mid point of my shoulder, down and under the shoulder blade to under my right arm. Lots of muscles were cut and my ribs were moved so the team could get to the cut artery as quickly as possible. I lost 3 pints of blood during the surgery.

I was in the hospital for 7 days, went home for 5 days and returned to the hospital with anemia. My second visit lasted 6 days receiving another 3 pints of blood, contracting pneumonia in my good lung and receiving massive dosages of antibiotics. Since that second admission, I have taken 9 months to recover and regained approximately 75% of my former strength.. I' went through pulmonary rehab for 10 weeks which helped me immensely. I also found a massage therapist who has helped me also.

During my early recovery, I would glance at and read the drawing Kaiti gave me many times. I received such strength and peace from that scripture that it means more to me than I can express in words. That is why Rev. 3:21 is my FAVORITE scripture; it ministers to me where I am in my life, right now. Do you have a favorite scripture? What does it mean to you?

LADYING FOR OCTOBER 22, 2012:  "A favorite scripture should hold deep significance for you. Be sure you can give what and why."

Be a "First Responder"

Today I read from Mark 1 and came to focus on verses 29-31, "Directly on leaving the meeting place, they came to Simon and Andrew's house, accompanied by James and John. Simon's mother-in-law was sick in bed, burning up with fever. They told Jesus. He went to her, took her hand, and raised her up. No sooner had the fever left than she was up fixing dinner for them."

I'm a pretty independent person. My dad taught me how to take care of myself in most situations and to be creative about solutions to problems. I guess it helps to be a strong-willed child/person too. But this passage speaks to me in two ways about responding to Jesus.

When my younger sister, Judy, and I were still in elementary school, my mom would pack a small household and we would accompany my dad to his work for a week "in the mountains". My dad was a logger and he worked up in the California Coastal Range & Klamath National Forest (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yolla_Bolly-Middle_Eel_Wilderness) cleaning up small areas of trees that larger outfits would find unprofitable. He worked for a friend, Bob Stenberg, and did most everything needed to find, fell and remove these few standing trees.

Almost every time we went "up in the mountains" for the week, Bob's family was there also: wife, Perilla; daughter, Linda; and son, Mike. Although there was 8 years difference in age in us kids, we all got along well and, being outdoors, found lots to keep ourselves busy. I was between 10-12 years old during those years and so I guess our moms thought I had enough sense to keep the younger ones from hurting themselves or running off down the mountain. And, for the most part, we were sensible about the lessons we had been taught about being in the wilderness and the wildlife around us.

However, I remember one day we started down the road--which we were to stay on--but became enamored by a dilapidated cabin we could see a ways off the road. So, we struck off following a deer trail toward it. I have always been fascinated with man-made structures in the process of ruin. You can imagine the grandeur and hope their creation began with yet even the demise of that splendor is fascinating. There, against the backdrop of God's creation, the little cabin looked so insignificant and fragile--much like we are in the scope of life. But, we were children and explored until we were satiated with our pretense of living in the cabin in the "woods" and began to think of lunch. Hunger has a great way of making us take stock of what we're doing, doesn't it?

Well, we went to find the deer trail that brought us to this great adventure and I made a horrific discovery.  Those deer trails ran up and down, into each other and branched off each other so that even the deer must have had a map of them. Unfortunately, they all looked the same to me. Now, maybe we would have found our way on our own but, being the young unsophisticates that we were, statistics show that we wouldn't have. We tried a few but ended up even more lost than before. Like I said at the beginning, I'm fiercely independent but I also know when I'm at the end of myself and my resources. So, I turned to the One I knew could help us find our way home--Jesus. We all got on our knees there on the side of an age-old mountain, in the dirt and sticks and pine needles that God had made long before us and simply prayed that He would help us and take us home safely. And do you know what? He did just that!  

I see myself in that moment like Simon's mother-in-law in the passage above. Jesus went to her and took her hand and raised her up. I understood in my heart that Jesus had taken our hands and led us out of a scary and overwhelming place. I'm not sure if the other kids felt that same way (we weren't into debriefing at that age) but we believed He would do what we asked and were not disappointed. Haven't you see that response to a hand held out--from a child, someone who is ill or elderly? Jesus takes the hand and there is an immediate response.

This past year I've been in a place of having hands reach out to me in prayer and support. It hasn't been easy for me to respond willingly; I still want to do it myself. Yet I know that we are "Jesus with skin on" and helping others or letting them help us is part of going to all the world with His love. Being the one to reach out or the one reached out to makes no difference. 

Since September, 2001, the importance of the newly coined phrase "first responder" has become more evident. Most of the time we see that in light of coming to the rescue of someone that is hurt or in danger. And responding in that is way is most certainly what a Christian must do. It brings to mind the old hymn, "Rescue the perishing! Care for the dying!" which can be interpreted both spiritually and physically.

There is, however, another way we must be a "first responder". We must be the one to respond immediately as Jesus reaches out to us. He doesn't reach out to just take His hand back or to passively keep us from being swept away by Life. Jesus reaches out to us with compassion, love and, definitely with purpose. We will never know the fullness of His compassion, love and purpose until we respond to Him. Will it be easy going thereafter? Unfortunately, no; but we don't have to let go of His hand and He has promised to walk by us through it all.

Where do you find yourself? Staying the independent who can to it yourself or learning what it means to be a spiritual "first responder"? I'm learning, probably in a more difficult way than I would have chosen, but nonetheless, learning. Life isn't about me; it's about what Jesus can do through me for others and His Kingdom.

LADYING FOR OCTOBER 10, 1012: "Being a 'first responder' isn't about me doing something for others. It's about me doing something for Jesus so He can do what is needed--for us all."

American Idol?

American Idol was one of the most encouraging shows when it began. It was an "if she/he can do that, so can I!" kind of reality that swept the country. And what could be more motivating to become the next "American Idol" than the promise of money and fame, doing what you love to do and getting paid for it? Thousands of people were caught up in the pursuit of that label not counting the hundreds of thousands that participated in watching, talking about and eventually voting on the show.

When I was growing up in the 50's and 60's, there were lots of music stars that rose on the American music scene. The first I remember of any significance was Elvis Presley with his hit song, "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog". We had a neighbor that lived across the street from us that was a reporter for the 'Red Bluff News' http://www.redbluffdailynews.com/and he was looking for the public's opinion of this new rock star and the "fainting" phenomenon by young women who were in the audience. Why he thought a 6 year old would have anything of importance to say was beyond me. However, I was happy to give him my opinion which he published as part of the article, "He ain't nothin' but a hound dog!" As you can see, it took something more than a flash in the pan to impress me.

The same held true when the Beatles came to town. Swooning and screaming while a band was playing seemed crazy to me. If the audience liked the songs, why not be quiet and listen to them? I did like the songs but you wouldn't catch me falling down because of the singers. I was immune to that type of idol worship...

Today, I read Mark 3:4-6: "Then He spoke to the people: 'What kind of action suits the Sabbath best? Doing good or doing evil? Helping people or leaving them helpless?' No one said a word. He looked them in the eye, one after another, angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion. He said to the man, 'Hold out your hand.' (The man) held it out--it was good as new! The Pharisees got out as fast as they could, sputtering about how they would join forces with Herod's follows and ruin him."

The Pharisees had taken their religion and made its laws and practices into an idol. I then realized that many Christians may disdain the idol worship that the world around us exhibits, but have turn their religion into an idol. Haven't you heard it? " I go to the First Church of Anti-People" or "I listen to Rev. Know It-All on the radio." Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't have preferences because, we are humans and (hopefully) there will always be diversity of opinion. However, I think we need to examine where we are putting our worship, our exaltation, our future hope.

Our good friends, Kim & Bev May

While Dave was Associate Pastor at Liberty Christian Fellowship in Liberty, MO, we were introduced to a pastor who had attended Oral Roberts University a few years after we had left there. I don't remember his name or the church which is just as well. We were in the service as guests with our Pastors and friends, Kim and Bev May. Between services we were asked to come to the Pastor's office to meet with him. We sat at a table waiting for the "business" of the church to be taken care of before we talked with him for a few minutes. There were ushers and greeters and deacons and anyone else with pertinent information coming and going to update the pastor on the efficient running of his church. It was all so new and overwhelming that I lost track of the sermon preached or my reason for being there. Later, as Dave and I processed what we had seen, we came to the conclusion that, at that time, the pastor was the one being worshiped. This was our opinion, of course, although I trust Dave's gift of discernment to guide our opinions, and we didn't a chance to discuss it with Kim and Bev to get their take on the whole show. 

Some may have seen the business meeting between services as just micromanagement or necessary to the efficiency of a large organization. But anything, I repeat ANYTHING, that comes between God and a person is sin--even ministry. That pastor had elevated himself or let others elevate him to such a place of adulation in his church that it could have been construed as worship. Check out your place in the scheme of your life. Do you elevate ANYTHING above God? Hopefully you can say "No!" truthfully. And, if not, ask God to show you where you need to repent and change your thinking.

I think my struggle in this area has been in holding "what" God can do for me up as my idol instead of honoring "who" He wants to be in my life. A picture came to mind one day that changed my idea of this. I was struggling with my breathing which always drains my energy and calling out to Jesus for strength and healing. Immediately I recalled the sweet intimacy John had with Jesus--even to the point of laying his head on Jesus' shoulder. I began to long for that intimacy and then flashed to a picture of me standing behind Jesus and looking over His shoulder. We were looking at something in His hand while talking and laughing. I knew then that the intimacy I longed for is where my healing lay. How could you stand that close to Jesus and be infirm?

So, that is my goal now--even when I struggle for the next breath or am amazed at new energy in my body. Intimacy with my Lord is where my healing remains. Hopefully, the next couple of weeks will see me enjoying that time with Him to form a more solid foundation for life yet to come.

LADYING FOR OCTOBER 11, 2012: "Jesus is perfect and whole! Go after an intimate encounter with Him. He wants to make you the same."

Getting started...

This year has been difficult to say the least and I've had lots of "recovery" time on my hands. I admit that it hasn't been used in the best ways--other than regaining my health--but the imposed down time was for the best. However, I have also been "downtimed" at work and find I need a way to keep my mind engaged with life and, most importantly, how God is always at work in mine. Therefore, a blog. 

By nature I am not an introspective person. My life seems fuller by the presence of other people and helping them in the places God gives me to touch them; or, as this year has proven, to let them touch me. However, as I mature--therefore the "old lady"--I find people want to know how God moved in my life in different situations. Thus, I find it appropriate to investigate how I can best pass along the wisdom that has come from my intimate experiences with God.

There is the hope that this blog will come from my current Bible devotional life however old and possibly musty the illustrations that come to light may be. My children--3 girls--are grown and sometimes I fear that my life illustrations missed getting transferred to them; but I refuse to live in that regret. I currently have 4 grandsons--with the possibilities of more "grandies"--with whom I hope to leave my spiritual legacy.

Today I read from Psalms 39 (The Message) and realized how this idea that David puts forth of us as "puffs of air" and "shadows in a campfire" has been my life understanding of my importance to God. Not that I don't balance that with His great love for me because He demonstrates that daily. But the fact that His will for my life and His daily presence accompanied by His awesome power, just draw my obedience if I will hear Him. He is God! And, I, as His adoring creation will seek to do His bidding forever. 

"The words I kept quiet but the longer I kept silence the worse it got and my insides got hotter and hotter. My thoughts boiled over; I spilled my guts."

I've always been a 'say-my-piece-and-think-about-it-later' type of person. However, I've come to realize over the years this comes from the necessity to have my pride assuaged by speaking what my flesh thought was important. Instead, I need to be listening to what God wants me to say. This life-long lesson is one I'm getting better at recognizing and learning how to handle. My heart wants my tongue to learn that, "If the Lord is saying it, speak it out boldly! If He isn't, it has little merit."

So I hope that God will say what He wants to through this blog and that you receive a word from Him for your life too. Some of it may be rambling as I try to put my life into a perspective that I, too, can understand. The more I see God in my life, past and present, the more confident of Him being in the future and that I can be bold in who He has made me to be. 

I'll try to pull a "ladying" (as I've coined from my girls calling me "lady") for each blog entry which I hope you can apply somewhere to your life as God leads.

LADYING FOR OCTOBER 8, 2012: "If God wants it said, you better speak up! If He is quiet, it's OK for you to be quiet too."