I was listening to the radio today and heard part of a message given by Mark Rutland, President of ORU, my alma mater. Mark is a great speaker, down-to-earth and easy to understand. He was speaking about terrorists--physical and emotional. He gave a couple of examples from his own life where he encountered terrorists--men who wanted to kill him. As he was held at gunpoint, Mark talked in his heart with God. He was told that, as he had given his life to Jesus, he also needed to give his death to Jesus. Not with the arrogance of "name it and claim it" proponents but with the true humility and awe of his original belief in God.
I believe, as apparently Mark does also, that there is an appointed time for each of us to die. God has it all arranged and, if we have given Him that authority, we can be at peace during our life. We can look ANY terrorist in the eye and say, "God is greater than anything you can bring against me!"
It got me to examine my own life to determine whether or not I had a terror that had me gripped in fear. What came to my mind first was an incident with my youngest daughter, Kaitlyn, when she was 10 years old and in the 3rd grade. When the school year started, we lived about 4 blocks from the elementary school where Kaiti attended and she walked to and from school with a friend (I'll call her Sally) who lived a couple of blocks beyond us. Kaiti and Sally had been friends all summer and went back and forth between houses as kids usually do. They enjoyed the same things and got along very well.
After school started, a new girl came and decided she liked Sally and didn't want her to be friends with Kaiti. I'll say up front that Kaiti is very sensitive and can be hurt very easily. It took her a while to admit to us that Sally was "bullying" her--calling her names, throwing rocks at her and spitting on her. Bewildered by the change in Sally and not understanding what she did to bring it on, Kaiti began to let this "terrorist" affect her life. She didn't want to walk to school or go to recess because of the terror tactics Sally and the new girl were using to hurt her physically and emotionally. We encouraged Kaiti to talk to her teacher which she did. Shy little Kaiti even went to her Principal, a Christian man who empathized greatly with her. However, there was nothing they could unless they actually saw something being done. Kaiti's teacher began letting her stay in at recess to help in the classroom which alleviated the situation some.
Then, about 2 months before the end of the school year, we moved across town. It didn't make sense to move Kaiti to another school with such a short time left, so I drove her to school each day. During that time, we talked about the situation with Sally and how Kaiti could endure or change it. The Lord showed me that we were to start praying for Sally. Kaiti and I discussed this and I could tell she was skeptical that just prayer would make a difference. I knew that it would make a difference in Kaiti but let her decide whether this was something she wanted to do for Sally. She agreed to the prayer time and so we prayed for Sally for 2 months--and indeed it worked! By the last day of school, Kaiti and Sally were friends again and Sally had apologized for treating Kaiti so badly.
This incident taught Kaiti some life principles about standing up for herself and prayer which have helped with her self confidence, job and life in general. I was very proud she confronted her life's terrorist and fear as she put her trust in Jesus to care for her.
So now, it was time to uncover my terror and learn how to confront it. There have been a couple of fears I am glad to report I've overcome in my life. The first really big one was being in a situation where I had to decide between my life or my child's life. This showed up most when I flew in an airplane. I would envision the plane crashing into a body of water and I didn't have a life jacket. How could I tread water and hold up my child too? God truly ministered to that fear and I could let it go without residue.
The second fear was of going to sleep alone while Dave was traveling. I would imagine someone breaking into the house while I was asleep and hurting or killing me. Finally, after confessing my fear and giving over all my possessions, my life (again) and the event of my death to God, I was able to sleep well without that terror looming over me.
Now, however, I need to find where a new fear may lie. And I find it quite readily ...the fear of having to struggle to breathe on a daily basis. All the doctors are pleased with my progress but they don't see the terror in my eyes or the thudding of my heart when I sit up suddenly in the middle of the night trying to get that illusive cleansing breath.
I told Dave early in my recovery that I didn't want to die struggling to breathe. On a daily basis it takes so much energy to breathe normally and, of course, fear drains energy from me as well. So, "I am confessing my terror to you, Lord. I give you permission to orchestrate my death to bring glory to your name.If I can't trust you, my God, to whom can I go?"
In the meantime, I will do all I can to strengthen my lungs and the stressed, overworked muscles that keep me from fully inflating my lungs. Today I went swimming--a perk of traveling with Dave and staying in nice hotels. I believe it helped and will work on more exercise of those muscles--and maybe a couple more massages. I encourage you, too, to uncover your terror and lay it at the feet of Him who is able to handle it for you. It isn't easy and can be messy but so worth the effort!
LADYING FOR OCTOBER 24, 2012: "Don't let a terrorist--physical or emotional--decide how you live! Look him in the eye and say, 'God has got this; you can leave now!' "
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